The Pursuit of Happiness

Last week, I had the privilege of listening to a Pakistani taxi driver complaining bitterly about life in Jesustan. He had just paid $2,500.00 for a root canal treatment, a price, he pointed out, would have bought him a bypass surgery in Bangalore. His daughter had turned into a gora-style slut. His son used hair gel. Worst of all, his wife had taken to watching the Oprah Winfrey show, and no longer made Pakoras on cold winter nights.

All of this begged the question of just why he chose to live in Jesustan, instead of Pakistan.

He said: “in this country, everyone is happy”.

Hmmm….

Some weeks ago, I met J., who had recently committed himself to the tender mercies of a shrink. J. is in a new relationship and, according to what I’ve been told, is enjoying the high-grade sex and higher-grade humour his girlfriend offers him. Yet, just like the Pakistani taxi driver, he is not at peace. J.’s problem is that he does not know whether he is happy or unhappy. He truly does not know, and the answer is important enough to him to seek professional help. Some discreet inquiries conducted by my native guide suggest that the lucrative Jesustani trade of psycho-babbling is founded, for the most part, on people like J.

Man was born free, Karl Marx had written, but everywhere he is in chains. I’m starting to think there is some truth in this, but perhaps not in the way the Prophet intended. In Hindustan, or in Pakistan, people are poor, for the most part politically oppressed and sexually repressed. As a result, they are miserable. In Jesustan, people are relatively rich, and have too many television shows to watch and to much shopping to do to have time to worry about politics. They have sexual freedom, or something that passes for it, anyhow. Like us little brown people, they too are miserable.

To my mind, this opens up two possibilities. Either Prozac is, in fact, the solution to the human condition, or, in the alternate, the pursuit of happiness is a waste of time. I suspect the latter proposition is closer to the truth. Indoctrinated from an early age to believe that the attainment of happiness is the purpose of life, Jesustanis are willing to go to the most extraordinary lengths to find it. The problem is, no one knows what this thing called happiness is, and therefore have no idea whether they have it or not. Little brown people, on the other hand, have simply given up, and consoled themselves with the thought that god is, after all, a white man.

Can happiness be found? Stand atop Mount Kailash, and flap your killi in the wind. See if Madhuri Dixit appears and grabs it. Stranger things have, of course, happened – but the odds, I think you will agree, are low.